Spider-Man Heroes & Villains Collection (UK) #60

Background

This is a 60-part weekly series being pumped into the market by Eaglemoss publications. They don't know much about Spidey, but they know that 60 * $8.99 = quite a lot. And I'm the kind of idiot who will spend that sort of money without doing the math.

There's an original 7-page story in every issue, and collectible trading cards too. Sure, the stories are terrible, the art has been 90% ghastly, and the price is far, far too high. But there's glossy paper, trading cards, and an original Spider-Man comic strip series that 99% of the U.S. collectors will never own!

Written and illustrated (predominantly) by no-name amateurs, this is the kind of thing is pretty humiliating for a classic brand like "Spider-Man". I can understand why Disney has made the decision to pull the plug on these UK-created magazines.

This is... the FINAL ISSUE! I can't believe it! For over a year, this magazine has been a drain on my financial resources, and a constant test of my sanity with its inane, fatuous stories with scarcely a single redeeming feature.

Story 'Towering Infernal'

This is the final issue. One last change to make a statement. One final opportunity to... patch up the major screw-up in the previous issue.

You see, back last week in Spider-Man Heroes & Villains Collection (UK) #59, the story crumbled under the weight of its own incompetence. Norman Osborn appeared as the Green Goblin in the final scene, contrary to any possible logic.

Now, this issue, writer Glenn Dakin has realised his screw-up, and he's jumping back in time to fill in the middle of last issues story with some massive back-pedalling, in an attempt to try and make sense of last week's mess.

So, we cut back to the middle of last week's issue. Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, and the New Green Goblin (Harry Osborn) are fighting Doctor Doom. The Original Green Goblin (Norman) arrives out of nowhere and attacks Doom as well. He tells Doom "You tricked me -- made me build the portal... said I would master its power. All the time you were just letting me test it... until you took over!"

Norman and the Green Goblin fight, until they accidentally both fall through the portal. The building explodes, and we're back to where we were.

General Comments

Oh, hang on a gosh-darn minute. I see what has happened! There has been a major cock-up in the printing process. The final page of issue #59 has been swapped with the final page of issue #60.

Well, that's just typical of the level of competence in this magazine. Seriously, whoever was in charge of this project should be marched out to the desert and left to die, whimpering, bargaining and begging for a salvation which will never arrive.

Overall Rating

Without the mix-up on the pages, I could possibly have given this a whole web. But the final incompetent blunder at the last stage clearly demonstrates the complete and utter contempt and disregard which every person involved in the production of this magazine so blatantly possesses for us, the poor unsuspecting subscriber.

The best thing you might possibly say about the editors, writers, artists, colourists and designers of this magazine is that they probably didn't drown any kittens in the creation of this product. Probably didn't. Actually, on second thoughts, maybe an SPCA investigation would be at least partly justified. Better safe than sorry when dealing with people like this, and kittens are involved.

I feel obliged to invoke the most severe chastisement which Spider-Fan can offer. The humiliating half-web score is utterly deserved, for both this issue, and for this title overall.

I would also like to thank my family for supporting me over the difficult preceding months. Reviewing this title has been an arduous challenge, when my instinctive reaction to these stories has been not so much to read them, as to instead smear lukewarm mutton fat on the pages and use them to set fire to the headquarters of Eaglemoss Publishing.