This is a 60-part weekly series being pumped into the market by Eaglemoss publications. They don't know much about Spidey, but they know that 60 * $8.99 = quite a lot. And I'm the kind of idiot who will spend that sort of money without doing the math.
There's an original 7-page story in every issue, and collectible trading cards too. Sure, the stories are terrible, the art has been 90% ghastly, and the price is far, far too high. But there's glossy paper, trading cards, and an original Spider-Man comic strip series that 99% of the U.S. collectors will never own!
I feel defeated by this comic. I feel like a foster parent who has inherited an impossible child. Gazing at each new disaster, I doubt my ability to complete the task in front of me. Sure, I owe it to society to do what I can. But... the despair. Oh... the despair!
Staring at the splash page, I know it's going to be one of "those" issues. The Human Torch is in Canada, starring in the show "Hot Rodz" and driving his race car on one of the ice roads that forms only in winter, and is used by truckers servicing the mines and industries of the north.
Live on TV, the Torch is attacked by a Wendigo... a white shaggy beast. Jonah Jameson instantly sends Peter Parker up to Canada to take photos. Why? 'cos Pete has the reputation as "the Monster Guy". Fair enough.
Peter instantly changes to become Spider-Man and tries to track down a missing trucker. Spider-Man meets the Human Torch and they fight the Wendigo, until it escapes. Torch tells Spidey that according to mythology, a Wendigo is created when an ordinary man eats human flesh.
Spidey and the Torch then drop in to a nearby truck stop, just in time to see a sheriff arrive and accuse the truck stop owner of killing his wife and serving her as discount "mystery meat". Does this explain the Wendigo? Whatever the case, as the cop takes away the truck stop owner, the Wendigo is back.
Human Torch flames up and melts the ice road, dropping the Wendigo into the lake below. The Wendigo then reverts back to human form, revealed as the missing trucker (surprise surprise). But wait. It wasn't human meat that turned him into the Wendigo. It was a local woodsman/shaman who was annoyed when the trucker took a short cut through his mystic forest. But the shaman was watching and undid his magic spell.
Mystery solved, and the Torch is just left to donate a few gazillion dollars to build a new bridge to help truckers get around the bit of the ice road he just melted.
Dismembered bodies served up for innocent truckers to eat? Yeah, that's perfect subject matter for a kids magazine. Serves you right for going to Canada really. Esquimaux, Snow, Fat Truckers and man-eating shaggy monsters are about all you can expect up that way, right? Yeah. Go stereotypes!
And the shaman? Don't get me started! What was he there for? Because shaman magic monsters make more sense than cannibalism-created monsters?
What about Peter instantly becoming Spidey? Isn't Jonah going to wonder why Peter bought a ticket but never appeared in Canada?
To add insult to injury, this week's art work hits a new low-point in SMH&V history.
How do I feel after reading this? Like I just found a finger bone in the "meat feast pizza" at Huck's Shack and Truck Stop. Half a web. Now pass me the bucket.