Top Ten Things Marvel Shouldn't Have Done To Spider-Man

With John Byrne jumping aboard and a new era starting for the web-slinger, I figured it's about time someone pointed out the ten worst things writers have done to Spidey.

1. CLONING OF SPIDER-MAN - We all know how the recent Clone Saga drove fans away from Spidey, so this is a no-brainer. Clones were more "X-Men" material, and it was a mistake to mix Spidey up in all that. Though Ben Reilly made a fan following, it wasn't worth it!
2. RETURN OF PARENTS - Ugh. This was the most awful storyline I can remember. Any writer knows that you have to leave Peter's parents dead! We never met them, and it's better that way. What made it worse was that they turned out to be robots. Robots!! Let's never speak of this again.
3. MAXIMUM CARNAGE - Actually, Maximum Carnage wasn't all that bad. The bad part was that it took 14 issues to finish. Maximum Carnage could have easily lasted four issues, and Marvel decided to stretch it out longer. I know not a person who bothered to buy the whole storyline.
4. BABY PARKER - Double ugh. As if marriage hadn't sucked all the youth out of Spidey already, he was set to become a parent! Thank god the baby died during labour. Here's hoping we never see another Spider-Baby again.
5. SYMBIOTE MADNESS - Besides Venom and Carnage (who are both cool), five new symbiotes were introduced in a Venom mini-series. FIVE! Gawd, two is enough! I have no idea what happened to them, but I'm assuming they're dead. Good.
6. MAXIMUM CLONAGE - Oh cripes. As if Scarlet, Kaine, and Spidercide weren't bad enough, now it seem there are a couple hundred other Spider-Clones!! Word to Marvel: No one likes clones! If you make another clone storyline, I'll snap and kill Dolly the sheep!
7. DOC OCK, DEAD! - They never shoulda' killed him. What were they thinking? Doctor Octopus was always one of Spidey's most feared foes, and they killed him. What's worse, Kaine was the one doing the killing! Lousy Kaine...
8. DEATH OF AUNT MAY - Yeah, it was a story that touched our hearts and made (some of) us cry, but since Aunt May left, Spider-Man seems to be missing something. This just in: Aunt May's back! Pick up "The Final Chapter" storyline for more info.
9. DEATH OF BEN REILLY - Oh, Ben had great potential. Not as a hero, but as a supporting cast member! But Marvel had to clean the slate and remove all trace of clones from the sidey books, so Ben is gone. Forever.
10. ANY "SPIDER-MAN NO MORE" STORY - These are just getting old. We all know that as long as Peter's around, so is Spidey. Peter knows he'll never give up being Spidey, so why does he even pretend? Rumour has it that the new Spider-Man era will start with yet another of these storylines. *YAWN*