Spider-Man TV (1967) - Season 2, Episode 18

Background

Wild guess: this episode will have something to do with a ice. Not slang for "diamonds". Literal ice.

Story 'Cold Storage'

The diamond thief going by the alias "Dr. Cool" continues his series of midnight robberies [Dr. Cool? *groan*] He plans to place all the diamonds he has stolen in a specially prepared chamber and drop the temperature to absolute zero. Once the diamonds reach that temperature they will - so he claims - be indistinguishable from standard ice. This will make smuggling the diamonds out of the country that much easier.

Having tracked them down, Spider-Man appears in the doorway promising that won't happen. A warm jail cell awaits them. [Ok, not really but this is already annoying me. I had to improvise.] Despite his best intentions, Spider-Man is knocked out by a trick cane. He is then tied up and put into one of the freezers. The temperature is then dropped to -459^oFahrenheit. As Spider-Man regains consciousness, Dr. Cool warns him that when the temperature reaches absolute zero, the molecular activity in his body will stop. Unable to free himself, Spider-Man begins to ice over and goes into hibernation.

At some point in the future, Spider-Man thaws out of his ice-based prison [Hmm. Can you say "Captain America" anyone?]. He stumbles outside the room into a post-apocalyptic world in ruins. The world is run by cavemen wearing hats. The chief is wearing an alarm clock around his neck [So he knows when it's time to bring the pain!!] In addition there are several pre-historic animals once thought extinct that have made a resurgence: pterodactyls, mastodons, and a red tyrannosaurs rex [Devil Dinosaur]. Spider-Man soon becomes overwhelmed by the sheer numbers.

We then cut back to the present day. Everything that we just witnessed was a delusion brought on by the extreme cold. He is found near death by an ice delivery man who started his shift early. This building was on his route and he discovered someone in the freezer. He turns up the temperature and literally breaks him out of the ice with a hammer. Once Spider-Man has been thawed out, "Iceman" informs him that he's been frozen like that for 24 hours. [He was frozen for 24 hours but was unfrozen in a matter of seconds with no brain damage? Kids' cartoon for you.]

Knowing that Dr. Cool and his accomplice Garth will return to collect the diamonds [Which are occasionally visible in each shot, depending on whether or not they remembered.] Spider-Man waits for them to return and quickly captures them for the police - by burying them up to their necks in ice.

General Comments

Once again, we have a good idea that went horribly wrong. The only difference here is that the show's creators tell you in explicit terms that what you just saw was a waste of time.

Let's start with a diamond robbery. That's good. He intends to freeze the diamonds and hide them in real ice. Not sure if that's a good idea or not (scratching and all). However I accept it because I keep seeing the show's creators like a kid that eats too much paste; you can't expect too much out of them. Then we lose our way and have a full-on dream sequence where he's fighting a pre-historic Flavor Flav and his GEICO Cavemen cohorts. Then they yank the rug out from under you and tell you that it wasn't real. Believe it or not, that's good. The alternative was for him to find some web-colored shoes and click them together to get back to the present day.

The cryogenic science shown here is very suspicious, but how are you going to explain a concept that doesn't fully work yet to children? Other than not to use it in a cartoon, I mean.

Overall Rating

1/2 web. The highlight of the episode for me was screaming out "Favor Flaaaaav" when the chief of the cavemen was on the screen. The rest of the episode you spend wondering what rejects from The Flintsones they're going to bring in to fight Spider-Man next.