Spider-Woman (Vol. 2) #3

Background

Julia Carpenter, the second woman to bear the name "Spider-Woman" has at last received her very own mini-series. It features in our "Worst of the Worst" lookback sights.

Story 'Avenger on The Amazon'

Hey, alliteration in the title! "Avenger on The Amazon". Always alliterate, and avoid any accidental attempt at actual artistry... don't you think?

Anyhow, a few hours later, Spider-Woman is heading on a boat up the Amazon. Apparantly, a boat is the only way to make the last piece of the trip. Ehem. A boat, or a quinjet! But then if the story made sense, then we wouldn't be able to fill it out with the kind of mindless stuff that comes next.

The Jungle-Rama boat (that's the name of Julia's parents eco-hotel) is taking Julia up the river, when they're attacked by river pirates, working for "The Manipulator". Oooh-errrr. I love it when they talk dirty in comics.

Meanwhile, the Manipulator and DeathWeb have arrived at Jungle-Rama, and killed some, and taken the rest hostage. If you're curious, DeathWeb consist of the big spiky guy with lots of arms, plus another guy with a metal exo-skeleton, and a cute grey-looking babe with white eyes and really long legs encased in fish-net stockings. The stockings must be super-powered since she walks around in the jungle without getting a single tear in them.

They head into the forest, but Julia turns up to save them all. There's lots of fighting, with the usual threats, and the inevitable running commentary. The villains all attack one-by-one, and a few of them reveal new powers. Julia's parents escape, but the villains capture Julia and her daughter, and also manage to take some of the special plants they need.

Whey they needed to commit so many crimes to get them, I don't know. In fact, why they needed to go there at all, I don't know. They could just have called up on the phone and asked a local guy to go get them for them! I guess once you're a super-villain, bad is just in the blood. You need some leaves from the jungle, you can't just go and get them. Nah, you need to hire some murderous goons, get your elite super-team dressed up, go kill some bystanders, and take a couple of hostages. Man, I wonder what they do when they want to go to the movies?

Oh, and some guy named Mike Clemson turns up on the last page. He used to work for Val Cooper, but now belongs to some shadow-government outfit called The Conclave. Seems he has a trump card that's going to put an end to Spider-Woman once and for all.

Just a shame that this pivotal figure is some guy that I've never heard of. It kind of makes the whole story rather meaningless. Stories that only exist on the back of other stories are generally the sign of a writer that values complexity over composition.

Overall Rating

A ripping jungle adventure yarn! Hmm... you don't think that body stocking Julia is wearing would be rather sweaty by now. Yech! And a big yech also to the story. One web.