Spectacular Spider-Man (UK Magazine) #108

Background

Ever wondered what happened to the Spider-Man of the 90's TV cartoon series? Well, he's alive and kicking in Spectacular Spider-Man Magazine, currently being released every three weeks in the United Kingdom. Each issue features a swag of puzzles, posters, letters, and general all-out Spidey fun - all aimed at the young at heart. Plus, there's an 11-page original story featuring more of Spider-Man's Adventures.

Story 'The Sting of the Scorpion!'

A hood named Spatz is robbing the bank. Spidey swings down, webs his gun, grabs him, and tells him to "Say Cheese for the Camera". Spatz doesn't know what camera, but he grins anyhow. Unbeknownst to either, the Scorpion is watching. As the cops take Spatz away, Scorpion has a pang of pain from his mouth. That makes him mad. He wants to kill Spidey. But... Spidey is leaving. Oh, then how about that Spatz guy who is a friend of Spidey's... Scorpion knows Spatz is a friend because even though Spidey beat hip up, took the money off him, and had him sent to prison, he smiled. So they must be pals.

Recap on Scorpion back-history, omitting Jonah Jameson's involvement. You know, the whole thing that makes the Scorpion interesting. Scorpion doesn't chase Spidey (whom he hates), but instead follows Spatz as he gets taken to prison.

Peter goes back and develops his photos. He's the Scorpion, and figures... but surely he would have attacked me. Unless. Unless he went after Spatz! Or unless Scorpion was being paid to spy on Spidey, or unless Scorpion wanted to lead Spidey into a trap, or unless... lots of other far more reasonable explanations than "he's gonna bust into a police station to beat up some minor crook."

Anyhow, to the slammer we go, where Spatz is bragging that the "Big Boss" is gonna break him out. That's Kingpin to us. Of course, since Spatz just botched what appears to be an poorly planned solo cash grab, it's very hard to see why the Kingpin is gonna give him anything except a broken neck, but this story is already totally whacked, so let's just move on.

Scorpion arrives, demanding of Spatz... "Where's your Pal Spidey." The natural response is "Over there!" So, what, Spidey is Spatz's pal? I don't think so! But Spidey is there. Battle with Scorpion. Until Shocker turns up, firing electricity. Huh? But Shocker's weapon is sound and vibration! Jeez, some story writer hasn't done his homework!

Spidey takes out Shocker. Scorpion doesn't take the change to hit Spidey from behind... no, for some stupid reason, his number one priority is Spatz? What the heck? But the Spidey hits Scorpion with a left cross, knocking out Scorpy's tooth, the one that was driving him mad. Spatz meanwhile wants to stay in his cell, clearly this plot is too stupid, even for him!

General Comments

What a lame story. Lamer than a paraplegic with an ingrown toenail. Dumber than a blonde convention. So stupid, I feel I should go get a CAT scan to check for damage just for reading this story.

Overall Rating

Nice art. Dreadful writing.