Spider-Man Heroes & Villains Collection (UK) #47

Background

This is a 60-part weekly series being pumped into the market by Eaglemoss publications. They don't know much about Spidey, but they know that 60 * $8.99 = quite a lot. And I'm the kind of idiot who will spend that sort of money without doing the math.

There's an original 7-page story in every issue, and collectible trading cards too. Sure, the stories are terrible, the art has been 90% ghastly, and the price is far, far too high. But there's glossy paper, trading cards, and an original Spider-Man comic strip series that 99% of the U.S. collectors will never own!

Story 'The Eternity Trap'

Spider-Man is in the jungle, helping Silvermane find "the elixir of life" in a secret part of the Mexican jungle.

Why is Spidey helping a New York gang-boss live for ever? Because if Spidey won't help, then Silvermane is threatening to kill Professor Montez, the guy who discovered the temple.

OK, hold it right there. How does that make any sense at all? Firstly, what's to stop Spidey just grabbing the Professor and leaving Silvermane and his goons. Secondly, if Silvermane is so keen to find this temple, why would anybody believe he would kill the Professor who is the only guy who can help him find it?

Nonetheless, there Spider-Man is, baby-sitting Silvermane and the Prof as they navigate the various death-traps that defend the sacred site. A couple of goons get killed in the usual spiked-stick traps, etc. But nobody mourns them. Human life ain't worth much in these kids comics. A slow painful death here and there, no big deal. Spidey doesn't even shrug, let alone stop to help the poor victims.

Eventually, what's left of the expedition manage to find the temple, at the heart of which is a golden chalice. Is it the secret of eternal life? No, it's a trap, laid by an ancient spirit who lives in the temple shadows and feeds on the souls of those who seek eternal life. The Professor isn't even real. He was just an illusion. An illusion who traveled to New York and gave book tours.

But before the spirit can suck the life from Silvermane, Spider-Man smashes down the temple, bringing in sunlight to destroy the spirit. Everybody can go home, quietly ignoring the corpses still stuck in the spiked pit traps as they pass them on the way back through the jungle.

General Comments

So, who the hell is the guy in the red and blue costume? I know he looks like Spider-Man, but he doesn't act like any Spidey I know.

Honestly, this comic could have been "The adventures of a slightly senile Indiana Jones, dressed in red-and-blue lycra."

Overall Rating

Utter, utter, poop.

Half a web.

Footnote

So, if the spirit couldn't leave the temple, who keeps those spiked-stick pits in tip-top condition?