Rampage (UK) #11 (Story 2)

Background

This Spider-Man story slides under the radar. The web-head doesn't even feature on the front cover. Maybe he's keeping a low profile, being more than a little embarrassed about the bizarre guest list on this six-page backup tale.

Story 'The Good, the Bad and the Hungry!'

With only six pages, you really need to hit the ground running. On the first page we have a strange creature of the night attacking muggers and criminals and draining their blood dry. Mmmm! We also have Bullseye attacking an armoured car. On page two, we combine the two. Morbius attacks Bullseye, saying "Masked man, now you will pay for attacking those guards..." What Morbius has gone all vigilante? But before you've figured that out, Spidey joins the fight by attacking Morbius. It's all happening.

Spidey and Morbius battle each other, until a vagrant interrupts them by throwing a bottle. Morbius attacks the bum, calling him "lowly vagrant, how dare you interrupt Morbius?!" I'm totally confused about Morbius's motives now. He kills free market capitalist (muggers), protects capitalist lackeys (security van drivers), but assaults victims of capitalism (vagrants). I'm completely confused as to Morbius' politico-economic agenda.

Spider-Man fights Moribus some more, and the battle moves next to a parked petrol tanker. Morbius KO's Spidey, and is just about to eat him, but Bullseye interrupts, saving Spidey. He says that he's doing it because he wants to sell Spidey and Morbius's DNA to A.I.M. or The Hand. What? One minute Bullseye's doing armoured car jobs, the next he's trafficking DNA? And why save Spidey? Does he need web-slinger's body alive? Swapping from "stealing cash" to "capturing Spider-Man and a Vampire both alive without any preparation" is a big change of plan!

Well, Bullseye has been planning in the past two minutes. He found an abandoned chair and whittled some wooden stakes, and also picked up a silver holy cross off one of the unconscious security guards. He uses both on Morbius, to no effect. So then bullseye spits the match that he happened to have in his mouth, at the petrol tanker. Why did Bullseye have a match in his mouth? I dunno how come he didn't have it earlier? Dunno. What makes the match strike? Dunno. How come the petrol tanker explodes instantly? Not sure. How come Bullseye can spit stuff, when we thought he could just throw stuff? Beats me.

Anyhow, Spidey webs up Bullseye for the police to find. Morbius escapes.

General Comments

This is a pretty ludicrous tale. The motives of both Bullseye and Morbius seem completely random, and the entire story is contrived beyond the point of silliness. Sure, it must be hell of a hard to write a good six-page story that's gonna please a twelve year old and an adult. But this one doesn't even make sense, let alone entertain.

The usual complaints about the rest of the mag apply. Poorly arranged, lacking in any substance - it's unappealing to me both in terms of content and presentation.

Overall Rating

One and a half webs for the second Spidey story in a row for this magazine. The story from last issue (Rampage (UK) #10) was dull and uneventful. This one has plenty of events... just a shame they all make no sense.