This is the first of the four parts in this comic. It's a seventeen page story, which makes it the longest of the stories in this issue. It features Wolverine and Spider-Man.
|Writer:||Andrew Farago, Shaenon K. Garrity|
|Cover Art:||Andrew Crossley, Ron Lim, Scott Koblish|
Wolverine is in "Bah-Humbug" mode on Christmas Eve. He's skipped out of the party at the X-Men mansion, and instead is trawling the sewers on the track of a reported Sentinel robot. Peter Parker meanwhile is at the Daily Bugle, looking for an advance, and also bearing a giant Christmas cake that he's intending to take to Aunt May's party.
Of course, Peter fails to get the advance, since Jonah's fed up with all the photos... JJJ wants something new and exciting! Jonah takes two hours to tell Peter that, leaving the Parker Boy late again. Ever seen Spider-Man web-swinging one-handed while he carries a three-tier giant pink cake? Well, I have now.
Back in the sewers (not far away from Spidey's current location, no doubt). Wolverine has found the Sentinel - de-activated. He rings in the report, but as he closes the connection he smells another presence. Yes, you guessed it. Santa Claus is sitting on the Sentinel's shoulder.
What? You didn't guess that? But it was obvious!
Santa asks... "Have You Been Naughty or Nice?". Hey, Logan's the best at what he does... but what he does isn't very nice. We know that!
Santa expostulates, explaining that he was unfairly fired from his job as a department store Santa, and instead had to take work in the Department of Sanitation. Bearing a grudge, he found the Sentinel, and has figured out the controls and gotten it working. Naturally. The Sentinel grinds into life...
...slamming Logan through a building, just behind Spider-Man! "Santa" has pulled up his sleeves and is doing a damn fine job of working the controls and handing Wolvie a special Holiday-Sized Whupping! Go Santa! Spider-Man gets involved, though he's somewhat handicapped by the cake. When he puts the cake down, you can just bet that the Sentinel is going to head right for it!
"See, this is why we can't have nice things!" Complains Spidey, and quite rightly!
The Sentinel has elf-bells on the toes of his boots. JINGLE JINGLE STOMP! JINGLE JINGLE STOMP! But Wolverine and Spider-Man still have compassion for the poor Santa, so unfairly fired from his job last holiday season. Wolverine fights to control his feral nature...
...until, as the fight passes an office building, somebody yells...
"Hey, that's the guy we fired last year for stealing $5,000 worth of panties from the lingerie department!"
Hmm... that changes things. Wolverine tears the top off a can of whup-ass and unloads it on Santa. Yeah, he's gonna disembowel the jolly fat guy on Main Street on Christmas Eve. That's gonna give the kids bad dreams. Who can stop Logan from going Medieval on Saint Nick's internals? Who? And with what?
Yeah, Spidey with the cake. It works as well as a Hostess Fruit Pie. Wolvie is brought to his senses, and Santa is stopped without getting blood on the white trim of his suit. But... of course, once more Peter Parker is gonna be late and empty handed to his Aunt's party. Spidey shuffles off, morose and sad.
But what's this? Wolverine offers to help. As long as it remains Absolutely Secret! The two head to the X-Men's mansion. Logan is going to save the day...
And indeed, Peter arrives at his Aunt's place with a wonderful cake. So light! So fluffy, yet so moist and creamy! What culinary genius could have created such a masterpiece?
EPILOGUE: Peter is calling JJJ, explaining that he didn't mean for Jonah to use THAT picture from the roll of film he sent in. But Jonah is happy, there's a front page Bugle spread of Wolverine baking a cake!
Wolverine and Iceman, meanwhile, are standing on the Bugle Building. He's got a small snowball for JJJ, and a HUGE SNOWBALL FOR SPIDEY! Bet there's stones in the middle of 'em both. That Wolverine has a mean streak a mile wide!
These one-shot stories are often surprisingly good, and this one is one of the best. Andrew Farago & Shaenon K. Garrity have done a hell of a job with this script, and Lou Kang has drawn it to perfection. It's shamelessly set in "Classic" continuity... before Civil War, New Avengers, and all that modern rubbish.
This tale is laugh-out-loud funny. It truly is. It's a hilarious, heart-warming, holiday happening. I'm offering a truly impressed four and half webs.