2099 World of Tomorrow #7

Background

It's August 1996, and all of the original Marvel 2099 titles have officially been canceled. Was this the end of the line as a whole? Nope, it had one last gasp in this series, which threw all the heroes of 2099 (that is, those that managed to survive “The Night of the Long Knives” as detailed in {{2099: Apocalypse #1}}) into one big book. All your favorites are here – Spider-Man 2099, Doom 2099, and... X-Nation 2099?!? But even all that (questionable) star power wasn't enough to extend its lifespan past eight issues.

Story 'Blitzkrieg'

We begin on the Martian spaceship that just launched at the end of last issue. The green Martian warriors are gearing up to crash into the Phalanx satellite that is still orbiting Earth. Metalsmith and Twilight are also along for the ride and waxing poetic about their predicament, providing the reader a nearly painless recap of the whole Martian excursion detailed within the last six issues. (I think the authors are learning!) Meanwhile, December (dressed in a dominatrix get-up that I don't recall her sporting the last couple of issues) has been left all by herself and is hanging out in the main control room on Mars. She's having trouble communicating with the ship, however, because of static interference (an issue you'd think an advanced future society would have figured out how to workaround by now).

Did I say alone? She's not really, because Dr. Isaacs is still in the clone chamber from last issue. She has released the only intact clone from its stasis pod. It calls out for its “mommy” and falls forward and she pulls him into a hug. The faux family reunion doesn't last long, however, because after a few minutes of conversation he literally melts in her arms. She gets a call from December and rushes to the control room to see what's happening.

Then, instead of switching to something else we actually... finally... follow the action as it unfolds! The Phalanx send drones to shoot down the rocket but Metalsmith and Twilight make short work of that. Metalsmith finally puts it all together and figures that since the Phalanx are shooting at the Martian spaceship then that must mean that the two groups are not in cahoots with each other. (No duh, brah.) Twilight uses her nifty reality warping powers to create a breach in the hull of the Phalanx satellite and the Martians pile in and start kicking butt. They let out a loud “Awwrroooo!” like the Howling Commandos and carry some bitchin' Klingon knives straight out of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Then, they plunge into the middle of the Phalanx horde and start hacking away.

Earthside, Xina and Spidey are in some sort of makeshift battle van. They are frantically working on some type of weapon that will enable them to breach the Phalanx nerve center. Spider-Man is still not fully on board with killing Nostromo but Xina reiterates that it's their only chance of stopping the invasion.

Meanwhile, Doom is on a random mountaintop majestically surveying the destruction that the Phalanx is wreaking on his country. Someone asks him why he is just standing there doing nothing and Doom explains that he waiting to counter-attack until after the Phalanx terraforming units have reclaimed the full historical borders of Latveria that have been eaten away at for the last hundred years. So you're telling me Doom aided the Phalanx invasion just so he could pull some sort of cheap real estate deal? I can't believe the monarch of Latveria has been reduced to this!

Meanwhile, at Phalanx HQ (previously Castle Doom) the Magus and Winn are wondering where the heroes got off to when suddenly Spidey's Totally Awesome Battle Van™ (coming soon to a store near you!) busts in and starts blasting away. The Magus orders his foot soldiers to attack, but it turns out Spidey isn't in the van at all. He's been outfitted with, sigh... laser guns and ammo belts (The '90s strike again!) and is headed towards the Phalanx nerve center where they have Nostromo plugged in.

Back in Antarctica, the world's least effective heroes are still fighting a lone Dreadnode. Even Xian, the lackadaisical non-leader of the X-Men 2099, gets into the mix! None of the mutants' attacks are working, however. La Lunatica and Bloodhawk are trapped in a casing of nanites. Hodge, the mutant- hating human lends a hand and shoots them free. As they take time to regroup the cavalry arrives in the form of Victor Ten Eagles, who has finally rallied the human settlers to come to the mutants' rescue. With their forces combined, they finally got the Dreadnode on the ropes.

Meanwhile, in Latveria, Spider-Punisher is machine gunning his way thru the Phalanx horde. He finally reaches Nostromo, who is in such pain that he begs the hero to kill him. Miguel hesitates, and Doom busts in to intervene. Doom declares that it's now time or the conflict between Earth and the Phalanx to be concluded. The Magus (no idea when he showed up) declares the alien invaders will leave as long as Spidey doesn't kill Nostromo. Doom gives the order and Spidey falls back.

Of course, the Magus immediately goes back on his word and attacks Doom. Doom's armor is completed destroyed by the onslaught and all he has is his cloak to cover him up. Now that Doom is only flesh and blood the Magus boasts he will be easy to kill. Just as the Magus is preparing the killing blow, however, Doom say, “You, sir, presume much... about the strength of your position. Activate subroutine Cynthia.”

And just like that, Nostromo starts shutting down and disconnecting all the Phalanx units spread out over the globe. Doom explains that he had implanted a Trojan Horse program in the Phalanx's' scout a hundred years ago when he traveled back in time (see Doom 2099 #39-43 for details). Then, out of nowhere Winn wallops the Magus; surprise, he was working with Doom all along! (Well, I guess that explains all his weird mood swings.)

The Magus, however, is still not going down without a fight. Doom orders everyone out of the castle in order for him to make one heroic last stand. But even with all the twists and turns the plot has taken in the last few pages, the authors still can't help but write him out of character. As she turns to go Doom says to Xina, “Always remember, that... if even for the briefest moment... you and I... we set out to build a world... together.” Spidey grabs her and Nostromo and leaves while a huge explosion takes place behind them.

Finally, back at the Last Refuge, Shakti (the de facto ruler of the mutant contingent) and Maddie are trying to convince Franklin, Reed Richard's technological Frankenstein's Monster to help the earth's cause by striking down the Phalanx satellite. Franklin opens up a communication link with the aliens and they invite him to join them in their electronic utopia. Luckily, even though she has lost her mental powers Shakti is able to convince Franklin that the Phalanx are evil. (Uh, shouldn't have Reed Richards told him that before he left?) Anyway, the compu-freak does his usual dictionary stream-of-consciousness haiku thing that he always does when conversing with anyone. For a second there it looks like he may join forces with the alien invaders. Fortunately, he determines the best way to deal with the Phalanx is to send a self-destruct signal to their satellite. But, oops – what about Metalmith and Twilight, the X-Kids who were on that satellite as well? They hold hands as the countdown timer winds down, resigned to their fate. It goes KRAKA-BOOM and its remnants fall into the ocean somewhere.

General Comments

So, that was the final battle to save Earth. Everything does come together in the end, so I got to give the authors credit on that front at least. But the ludicrous lengths they go to get all the players in their places was really not worth the effort.

Overall Rating

And with that the Phalanx War of 2099 is over.