Blame Mary Jane

 In: Rave > 2001
 Posted: 2001
 Staff: The Editor (E-Mail)

From the Spider-Man Messsage Board, came this little gem from the pen of "Ms Marvel 1" (Rebecca Henely).

She says...

I wrote this in my head when I was bored during my job. Then I kinda forgot it, then Mr. Sinister asked me to remember it, and this was the result! So, if you like it, thank you. If you don't, it's all Sinister's fault. (No it isn't, just kidding. If you don't like it, write some "Blame Gerry Conway" song or something.)

So, with apologizes to Trey Parker and Marc Shaiman for ripping up their work.

    Blame Mary Jane!
    Times have changed, the books are getting bad,
    We're not getting the readership which Spider-Man once had.
    Should we blame the Green Goblin? Or the Losers society?
    Or should we blame the Jackal and Ben Reilly?
    No, Blame Mary Jane! Blame Mary Jane!
    With her red hair and snake-green eyes,
    Her sexy lips so full of lies,
    Blame Mary Jane! Blame Mary Jane!
    The readers matter naught, it's Mary Jane's fault!
    Don't blame me, it's not my bad,
    We know Pete's more relatable talking to May the hag.
    And I know that the Spider-books will be better than all right,
    If Spidey's shagging young sluts left and right.
    So, blame Mary Jane! Blame Mary Jane!
    It seems the books have just been wrong,
    Since Mary Jane came along.
    Blame Mary Jane! Blame Mary Jane!
    She was never good for Peter, anyway...
    Spidey could have been a teenager forever, yes it's true,
    Instead we got him married, and the sales went down the loo.
    Should we blame the symbiotes? Should we blame Scriers?
    Or the fact that all Pete's friends have now expired?
    Heck, no! Blame Mary Jane! Blame Mary Jane!
    With her whining and hullabaloo,
    And that brat Baby May too!
    Blame Mary Jane! Blame Mary Jane!
    She's a slut we must cut, she's trash we must bash,
    All DeMatteis worked on, must all be retconned.
    We must blame her and cause a fuss, before somebody
    thinks of blaming uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!  
 In: Rave > 2001
 Posted: 2001
 Staff: The Editor (E-Mail)