Bring Back Uncle Ben!

 In: Rave > 1998
 Posted: 1998

Final Chapter: Let's review, shall we?

Peter Parker: Same old, same old. I haven't seen any character growth throughout this whole thing. Oh yeah, and Peter's burned enough costumes ins his past, why should this be any different?

Mary Jane: Is she with Peter, or not? Rumors of their break-up seems unsubstantiated in the comics, seeing as how she's still acts ga-ga about the guy. Will she be around in the re-boot? Will we get the chance to see any of their marital problems, giving readers a nice, smooth transition from married Spidey to single/separated Spidey? (probably not).

Norman Osborn: Went out with a whimper. Wasted two years making him the baddest of the bad, only to go out like a screaming brat being pulled out of a mall. Horrible, horrible, horrible ending, especially after all the trouble people went through to make him a great villain.

Aunt May: Where to begin? Shouldn't have been done, and even then, could have been done a million times over, and each one of them would've been better than what's happened. My cat could write a better come-back for Aunt May.

John Byrne: Ego-maniac loose in the house of ideas. Too bad the job didn't go to someone worthy of the task, like Busiek. Hell, I'd take Fred Hembeck's pencils over Byrne's butchering of Spidey's history, especially when the changes made were so miniscule that they really don't make any damned difference! It's a wonder Byrne can keep his head elevated long enough to draw (you know, since the weight of big head and... well, you get the idea).

Howard Mackie: Does anyone have an idea what this guy's all about? Just the minute I have him figured out, he changes. In the recent Wizard Spider-Man special, he claims Aunt May's return was 'necessary', and that he intends to 'refocus' Spider-Man. I think Howard needs to look in the dictionary - 'destroy' and 'refocus' are two completely different concepts. Too bad he's the man in control of Spidey's future. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Spider-Future: Up in the air. Marvel seems intent on ditching a faithful audience that has spanned centuries in favor of the grunge-ghoul crowd, who're probably more interested in Maggot and Marrow than they are tired ol' Peter Parker.

But enough about that claptrap. The real reason I'm here is to enlist you all in my newest campaign for the return of the one and true character that's had the greatest impact on Spidey's life. The one individual who's ressurection is just SCREAMING to be done.

The man I'm talking about is none other than Uncle Ben. Since May's fresh-back from the dead, and just about everyone else is still kicking, why not just do away with the Spider-Mythos altogether and bring Uncle Ben back from the dead? There could be a 48-part story, crossing all of Marvel's titles, and into some DC and Image books as well, a prestige-format Alpha and Omega, and then reboot the entire industry back to number one!

Then, once you've returned the original Ben back to his rightful place, you can give him his own title, where he fixes kid's bikes, opens door for old laides, and doles out helpful advice on lawn fertilizer - all while battling evil in his spare time! It'd be great! Ah hell, why not give him a team book too, and then an anthology series, where we could get Untold Tales from Ben Parker's past! It'd be incredible!!!

I expect you all to sign the 'Bring Back Uncle Ben' petition I'll be creating shortly, along with its own web ring, and I want everyone to stop reading comic books, watching TV, and putting on socks until Marvel bends to our demands!!! So please stay tuned for the 'Uncle Ben Expatriates' web page URL, coming soon! Keep watching this space (yeah, this one right here).

Thank you for your support!

 In: Rave > 1998
 Posted: 1998