To the Editor (01-Jan-2001)

To find the graphic novel? Try the links page (see the sidebar on the left) and look under places to buy comics. The Maximum Cloneage issues are still relatively affordable as comics, too.

As for my opinion? Well, Eric Engelhard gave us a great 17 second review of Maximum Carnage, although personally, I think he put more effort in than it really deserved.

Well, I don't make them myself, since my wife started complaining about the unpleasant side-effects of alien symbiotic infestation. But, the specs are pretty simple.

First, become a super-hero, a notable one. Then teleport back in time to the early 80's. That may seem hard now, but when you're a super-hero, time travel is just something that happens all the, well, time. Or times. It get's confusing, but just stay with the plot.

Now, when you're back in time, avoid meeting yourself. First, this will cause a matter/anti-matter transplosion of world-destroying proportions, and secondly, it's really embarassing. You know, like when you read some letter you wrote five years ago, and realise what a dork you were. OK, now, remember this is the 80's your going back to. The EIGHTIES, MAN! They were BAD, BAD times! Woah, I have this photo of me in a tux, at my 21st, and I was NOT pretty. Imagine a Richard Clayderman haircut, with a Weird Al Yankovic figure, and a personality that was... well, OK, enough about me. You're stranded in 1984, so I hope you wrote these instructions down, because otherwise I haven't written them yet. Don't think about that, it will cause a time-paradox, and the instructions will start to fade. Or you will. Both are bad.

So, where were we. Oh yeah, my high-school prom date was SO embarassing. I mean, for her. She must have lost a bet or something, because I was, just such a loser. What? Oh, the black costume. OK, that's easy. Head to New York, join the Avengers, or the X-Men, or something, so that when the Beyonder grabs everyone for Secret Wars, you're there too. Hang around the Hulk, watch out for Issue #8, and when Spidey asks about the costume machine, just say "I'll get that for you, Peter". Well, not Peter, since that'll blow his identity, just say "I'll get that", or "Let me do that for you", or something similar. The details don't matter. Just as long as you go get the costume from the wrong machine, and become infected with an alien parasitic life form.

By the way, they leave a stain on the sofa if you sit in one place for too long while wearing one. And they keep you up nights. Are you sure about this?

Hey, haven't you read any comics. Have you ever seen Peter sleep, I mean, really sleep? Nah, it's always "I can't sleep, I think I'll go and web sling". Or "My alien symbiote (or Green Goblin drug-induced hypnosis) has been taking me web-slinging (or Goblin-Gliding) at night". Or else it's "I came home and crashed and slept for three days in my clothes".

Sorry, Spidey has no need for PJ's.

Ummm... your boyfriend? You want to see your boyfriend in Spidey pajamas?

Well, not only fandom.com, but at least a dozen others. I actually have this on my FAQ list.

But essentially, it's about the money. Here are some key reasons.

1. I don't need the money. I'm a successful geek, with a great paying job.
2. I have a team of 5-10 reviewers at any time who help, and contribute to the page. If I made money, then I would have to pay them, which would be a real pain. Then reviewer X would say "hey, I did Y reviews, so I should get Z, etc..."
3. If I got paid, it would be work, and I don't like work!
4. It's like asking a guy who built a really nice hot-rod in his garage with the help from his friends "Hey, why don't you get McDonalds to sponsor it, and they could give you money every time you drove it down town with their logo", or "Hey, nice hot rod, why not get a corporate sponsor to help you decide what colour to paint it?".

Does that help?

(Mike Fichera Adds)

I'm Mike Fichera, a long-time contributor to Jonathan Couper's Spider-Man Homepage. I just wanted to add to J's comments that, though extra cash in my wallet would be nice, I have no complaints with J's decision to be independant for the simple value of FREEDOM. There are no expectations, no demands, no pressure to produce when contributing to spiderfan.org. (I almost wrote "working" instead of "contributing" - but it's not work!)

Collecting comics and Spider-Man merchandise is a hobby. Creatively sharing my hobby (by reviews, character profiles, television show episode guides, etc) is fun for me. Yes, we have monthly deadlines for each issue of our web magazine, "Peter Parker's Pad", but I am free of the responsibilities of a sponsored site. I don't have the concerns that my lack of a contribution will hurt the business.

Even on independant sites, there can be demands from the public to update your site frequently. I'm often sent e-mail to my own personal webpage of customized action figures "When are you going to do something new? Your site is growing cobwebs!" While it's flattering, it's also a nuisance (especially when the e-mails are obnoxious). My site costs a visitor no admission, and shows them no ads. If I was trying to make a profit off my site in addition to my full time job (I'm an enviromental engineer), it would become a source of stress to maintain a flow of visitors. I enjoy the creative outlet of my websites without another source of stress in my life.

Sorry Lisa, but this is a boys-only club. No Spider-Guys allowed!

Sure. The team and I have slaved for seven years to create a site which provides over 400Mb of information and graphics about 35 years of Spider-Man. At our huge cost of time and materials, I've provided it free on the Internet for you. But I'd hate you to have to do any exploring, research or, go to any bother. Obviously, why you've come to the Spider-Man Fan Site is to find a complete history of Spider-Man in 200 words or less, specifically targeted at people who don't have time to really read anything longer than a Reader's Digest article, or without the mential energy to form their own opinion, and without the inclination to guide themselves through life based on anything more complex than a glib cosmetic veneer which doesn't do anything more than insult the glorious name of one of the most fantastic paragons of human virtue ever created by humanity since we crawled out of a sludge-pit.

That's cool, we get a lot of people wanting that. Al Sjoerdsma's working on one at the moment, and it should be the featured Looking Back in a month or three, so keep checking back with the page. Thanks for dropping by!

[EXPLODES]

Alright. I'm calm now. A couple of key points to note.

1. Contrary to popular (mostly U.S.) belief, New Zealand and Australia are two separate countries, separated by approximately 3,000 kilometres, which is around the same distance as London to Moscow.
2. There is some small degree of rivalry between the countries, caused mainly by the fact that Jonah Lomu has recently been revealed as the greatest seven-a-side rugby player theoretically possible to be produced by the human species, and he's all ours.
3. The effect of your initial statement on the un-prepared New Zealander is somewhat akin to asking Saddam Hussein if he thinks the world's greatest song is "Stars'N'Stripes Forever", or "Yankee Doodle Dandy". However, the final impact is slightly smaller in our case, since unlike Saddam, New Zealand does not possess nuclear strike capability. We do, however, possess Jonah Lomu - which in a small area such as a rugby field, can cause remarkably similar results.

May I suggest that to avoid inducing fits of apoplectic violence in similar situations around the world, that you invest some small sum of your powerful foreign currency in a simple device known as a "Map", and practice identifying the subtle differences between key locations - such as New Zealand/Australia, Iran/Iraq, Africa/India, etc, etc.

Sorry Jack, perhaps you should visit www.comicspriceguide.com and have a look. But I'm afraid that you probably won't make enough to give up any of those jobs!

Next time you have $3 in your hand, and you're looking at a Silver Sable comic, may I suggest you put it towards an Indexed Mutual Fund?