Top Ten Ways to Fix Spidey Plots

As a writer, I've always had my own hopes about the way unresolved spidey plots would turn out. Here are a few of my own ideas. (I'm looking for work, Marvel!)

1. THE SPIDER BABY : This is one that's been aching at the back of my mind since MJ got pregnant. Even then, I thinkwe all knew that the clone sage would end and that all the parts of that story-arc would dissolve. As such, little Mayday was doomed before she was ever born. I think this arc would be best completed by using the obvious Norman Osborn connection. When Norman returned after having pulled the strings from overseas for so long, he needed bargaining chips to regain his power in the Marvel Universe, like when he blackmailed J.J. Jameson or used Spidey's beating to gain publicity. The spider-Baby was used as one such chip after he faked it's death and kidnapped it. The advantage to this plot is that it could have led to Osborn being duped and not getting his reward (Norman doesn't seem like the type that would tell Pete when he was double-crossed.) The biddest reason for this, I think, that it would allow for someone outside the spider-verse to have Mayday... but personally, I think that the recipient would be another businessman with an obsession for Spider-Man : Ezekial. JMS has been gearing this character towards darkness for some time, and I think that this is one way to drive Spidey over the edge and rocket Ezekial into the halls of fame with all the other serious Spider-Man villains.
2. KAINE : I find it awful when so much work goes into characters, and then one bad plot flop makes Marvel let them fade into obscurity. To bring Kaine back he'd have to be really, truely frightening. This could be another Kraven's last hunt. Bring this character back just long enough to make him a symbol by which all other villains should be judged. I think that he should take over as Spider-Man... and be more revered by the public than Peter himself. Kaine would gain entry into the Avengers and be undisputed as an amazing hero, all because he sees Spidey's fate in the future. Think of it : a certain prophecy of Spider-Man's fate that Kaine wishes to prevent, of Pete driven mad by simple stress and loss, killing himself... except then it ends up being Kaine that absolves this fate, decideding that being Spider-Man just isn't worth the trouble. Think of the effect this would have on Peter. Someone else doing his job better then he ever could, and then killing himself after deeming his life meaningless. It could spawn a whole new moral dillemma for Pete, the likes of Kraven and Gwen if it was done right.
3. GWEN - CLONE : This bothers me. It's so important. But my awnser to this one is simple: the Gwen clone isn't a clone at all! I know... I know... it's just a headache. But, I think it's the only way for Spidey to get over her, and it is about time. See, Miles Warren really cloned Gwen while she was alive, so that he and the real Gwen could run off together, having been two-timing Pete for months. Norman got wind of this as he was pulling Warren's strings all along, according to the Osborn Journals, and insisted on them making clones of Spider-Man as well. The Gwen-Clone was then killed so that the real Warren and Gwen could run off together, where they stay to this day. But Gwen felt pity for her former lover, and that's why she kept returning to aid and enter into his life... well, common. It makes more sense then all the clone sage plots combined. I just want Gwen back.
4. GATHERING OF THE FIVE : This served as just another reminder to the fact that John Bryne should never have been allowed near a spider-title, but it did serve one purpose : to give magick a home in the spider-verse. I loved that Osborne was insane by the end of this chapter, and wonder why he is still not now. He seemed to be kind of not all there and a little suicidal the last time we saw him, but that was it. I think that JMS over in Amazing is handling his mystical spider plot very well, and that he should takcle the Gathering of the Five loose ends.
5. Jack O' Lantern : The Jack from the 'Identity Crisis' arc was inspired. I like how these remnants of Goblin-lore have been showing up lately, but to my knowledge, this one has yet to be revealed. Personally, I like to think that this could be Jason Macendale. His experiences with demonology during Inferno probably had some effects on his body, and that's how he survived the attack by Kingsley and how he survived Identity Crisis... I know it's a reach, but I hated this plot thread most of all, because it failed to accomplish so much when it could have.
6. DARKHAWK : I know, this isn't technically even a Spider-Man title... but Pete was played so close to Chris Powell all the time that I can't help it! I think the idea that chris has been running around as a hero all this time and nobody had bumped into him is ridiculous; and I think it's time that he and Spidey met again. definitely for the pages of Spectacular Spider-Man. I'd like to see a 'hero killer' the likes of Marlorn (Ezekial did say there was a race of them...) that kills all these secondary heros, just to put them (and us) out of our misery.
7. AUNT MAY : Kill her. Yeah, I realize she's a three dimentional character now, with thoughts and feelings... i don't care. Kill her, Marvel. Have Hypno-Hustler do it. For fun.
8. MARY JANE : Kill that whiney piece of trash. I'm serious. Here : Spider-Man catches some street punks, but when he realizes that they are no kore than 15 each, let's them go with a warning. Later, MJ walks into a Deli and sees it being robbed. Inspired by her husband's bravery, she tries to stop it and get's shot in the head, which would splatter her brain matter everywhere, should she have one. Peter catches the murderers, only to realize that they are the same children he let go earlier... oh, hell... let's make them troubled kids from his class that he's been ignoring while we're at it, hmm? And anyone out there who likes Mary Jane and hates this idea... shut up! Marvel is way to bound by fan reaction! Remember when they killed Gwen and it was a landmark? Well, it's mostly the fans faults that this will never happen again, because Marvel knows that when they do, you'll all be on web sites complaining. Just... kill her. Get Spider-Man back with Black Cat, where he belongs.
9. Black Cat (The Evil that Men Do) : Take this title away from Kevin Smith. I love his writing, but the guy just isn't up to task anymore. Now we have the problem of fitting this tale into continuity. It would have been all right for Spidey and Felicia too smooth (or whatever) while MJ was AWOL, but now she's back, mucking everything up. Personally, I think Pete harbors resentment towards MJ for leaving him. I think that he should keep MJ to satisfy Peter Parker... while secretly seeing Black Cat to satisfy Spider-Man. Not only would it add a little darkness to Spidey and create ACTUAL friction with MJ, as opposed to crap-friction she's been subjected too ever since McFarlene; we can all see Black Cat doing it. She's wanted Spider-Man from the beginning, and was always more than happy to say goodbye to the Peter Parker side.
10. CARNAGE : First off, explain how he got out of that cosmic shell that the Silver Surfer put him in. I don't care how, just do it. It's annoying me. Second, turn this character into something good, please. Or kill him. Just do something. Since both Eddie Brock and Cletus Kassidy were 'cured' of cancer by their symbiotes, I think it'd be interesting to see the medical world try to harness it. Maybe Aunt May could get cancer, and Peter could force her tobond with Carnage!... ugh, i've gotta stop now. I'm starting to think like John Bryne.

Whether you agree or disagree, that's my say. Spider-Man is still the best title around, and that's the FINAL say.