My name is Ash, and I am about to become Deadite chow. It all began with a book, The Necronomicon Ex Mortis. Roughly translated: the Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, it contains bizarre burial rituals and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living.
An archaeologist, Professor Raymond Knowby, stumbled upon the book and brought it up to a remote cabin in the woods where he began to decipher the text. What he did instead was wake up an ancient evil and gave it license to enter our world.
My girlfriend Linda and I came to that very same cabin on a vacation, stumbling upon the Professor's work...and the book. It got Linda.
Then, it came for me.
It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. But it was far from over. The Professor's daughter came to the cabin with pages lost from the book, pages containing an incantation to make the evil physical and send it back to whatever hell it came from. It didn't take.
Just when I thought the Deadites found a way to punch my ticket, I ended up thrown into a world full of costumed nutjobs with Deadites talking about that world ending. I tried to get help, but they didn't believe me. I ended up tied-up by a guy who thinks he's a spider when another super guy in yellow pajamas decided to take a bite out of all his super buddies and turn them into Deadites just like him! The head honcho, a nut who thinks he's the American Flag, makes the spider-guy drop me right at the feet of three hungry freshly-made Deadites. And me without my Boomstick...
Before the Avengers can divvy up parts of Ash, Spidey lands on Hawkeye and threatens to eat his head. Luke Cage, Black Widow and Ms. Marvel warn him zombies taste horrible, but Spidey insists Ash is his. As they bicker, Ash tries to sneak away but is caught by Cage. Colonel America decides to just give him to Spidey and be done with it. As soon as they're a safe distance away, Ash clobbers Spidey and gets ready to kill him when he reveals it was all a ruse to save him.
Spidey theorizes that his powers are working overtime to fight off the infection, while below them the world goes to hell as the Avengers tear through the populace. Spidey suddenly remembers his family and swings off to check on them, leaving a perturbed Ash behind. But, he's not alone long as the Punisher comes his way. The two share words, and Punny offers to help Ash if Ash helps him first. The task? Eliminate the last of the criminal underworld while the world is going to hell. With that done, Punny gives Ash orders to keep him loaded as he drills through the zombies, but Ash, deciding Punny is off his rocker, takes off with his ammunition.
Ash keeps on running until he comes across the lovely Dazzler about to be eaten by Winter Soldier. Ash takes him out before he can, and his reward is an eyeful of Dazzler's well-toned body in her skin-tight outfit. Ash comforts her as she breaks down about all the craziness and fills her in on what's going on. She offers to help him find the Necronomicon to fix the mess, and Dazzler suggests the perfect person to help: Dr. Strange. While she explains why they're there, Ash is suddenly pulled away. When Dazzler turns around, she finds Ash with his brains all over the ground and in the beak of...Howard the Duck!
A surprise ending if never you saw one. Another excellent issue full of the dark humor we've come to expect from Marvel Zombies and Army of Darkness. Once again, no spidey-sense from Spidey, but it's made up for with great cameos by other heroes. It is odd to see mostly 70s designs on the characters with some later ones thrown in here and there, but that's the beauty of an alternate dimension.
4 Webs. A couple minor detail flaws, but otherwise more cross-world zombie goodness.
Uncanny X-Men #268