Spider-Man Unlimited (Vol. 3) #13 (Story 1)

Background

Spider-Man Unlimited seems to focus on stories that aren't important to current continuity, but may (or may not) be worth telling anyway. Written and drawn by guest writers and artists.

Story 'Dinner at MacArthur's Cafe'

At the drive-thru of MacArthur's Café, Mac fills a bag with sandwiches and coffee for a pair of police officers free of charge, he says, in return for taking care of the neighborhood. As the cops pull away, Mac resumes sweeping. Shortly after, there is a light tapping on the drive-thru window. Mac looks up to see Spider-Man's head hanging from above the window.

Mac opens the window up and Spider-Man, having overheard Mac's conversation with the officers, asks if he could get some food. Mac makes it clear to Spidey that he doesn't give out handouts, and that he gave the cops food because his taxes pay their salary. Their conversation is interrupted when the Rhino walks in.

The Rhino orders "a pile of hamburgers and about ten pounds of fries." A terrified Mac takes his order and makes his way back to the drive-thru window. There, Mac expresses to Spidey his concerns that Rhino might not pay his bill. Mac pleads with Spidey to help him, and even promises free sandwiches for life. Spidey complies.

It seems that Mac's idea of Spidey helping out is to get free labor in his kitchen, because he puts Spidey in an apron and some gloves and sits him in the back flipping burgers. He tells him to keep sending out burgers and, if the Rhino tries anything, for Spidey to come out and save the day. Spidey makes a comment regarding the stupidity of the plan as Mac goes in front with the Rhino.

The Rhino pounds down the sandwiches and, when he's finished, burps in Mac's face. Mac timidly rings up the meal, and hands Rhino a bill for seventy-eight dollars and fifty-two cents. The Rhino takes the receipt and writes on it, "FREE or you'll be sorry."

Mac calls for help and a spatula suddenly lands on the Rhino's shoulder. Rhino whips around to see Spider-Man, who insists Rhino pay his check, and asks the Rhino if the last of his burgers were chewy. The Rhino lifts the bun on a half-eaten burger to find it stuck together with webbing.

At Mac's protest, a fight ensues. However, the two cops from the drive-thru walk in and announce that Spidey and Rhino will clean up the mess they just made, and they'll write it off as a "domestic dispute." Annoyed, Spidey and Rhino get to work.

General Comments

I've got a couple of things to say about this story, the first being that I'd like to thank Casey Jones for that image of Spider-Man in an apron and cook's hat. Classic.

Secondly, I'd like to point out that, while loading someone's burger with web-fluid seems like it would be funny, now that Spidey's got the organic webbing, doesn't that seem just a little gross? I mean, his webbing is essentially a bodily fluid. It seems to me that webbing a burger would be just about the same thing as hawking a loogie in it.

As for the story...well, it was fun. Certainly not the best stuff to come out of this title, but much better than some of the stuff we've seen out of it. I think it was mostly an excuse to get Spidey to save the day by flipping burgers.

Overall Rating

Yeah...two and a half webs. The art wasn't spectacular, but there were some money shots in there. It was a fun story, nothing groundbreaking...but I've seen worse.